25 for Ahmaud
After centuries of enslavement, murder, and injustice, what will it take to begin dismantling systemic racism and build equity within black communities?
In 2002 my family was moving into a new home in Vacaville. As we moved in, friendly neighbors would say hi and welcome us to the neighborhood. One day as my mom was outside, a local, neighborhood walker, John, stopped by to welcome her to the neighborhood. Within minutes of their interaction, John casually provided his finest David Duke impression by saying “it’s nice to see a white person moving in because there are too many blacks moving in around here.”
Unbeknownst to John, my white mother had a black family, and seconds later my black stepdad walked outside and said “Hi neighbor! Nice to meet you!” John, with a frightened expression on his face, said hi in return and kept it moving. Man, we laughed so hard at John that night. The look on his face as he realized he’d been exposed as a racist was priceless. Better yet, for years when John picked up speed, scurrying past our home to avoid an awkward encounter with our black family we’d crack up saying “where ya going, John?” John was shamed into embarrassment and there’s still a part of me that finds this hilarious until I think about one specific detail in this story that’s scarier than it appears; why did John feel so confident displaying his racism to a complete stranger?
Answer? White Supremacy, the foundation of systemic racism.
John grew up in a world where being white gave him power. To be clear, I don’t know anything about his background but I grew up in the same world, we all did. Being white has always been a source of power politically, financially, etc. Over time, John saw our city get a little more diverse. He saw more interracial couples, a few more black businesses. I haven’t seen John since 2006 but I would have paid good money to see the look on his racist face election night 2008. John saw another white person in the neighborhood and immediately felt comfortable enough showcasing his abhorrent thoughts, looking for a racist ally, expecting to receive the same energy in return.
But John wouldn’t have made that comment to me. He sure wouldn’t have said it to my stepdad. White supremacy is the belief that white people are superior to other races which is why it’s impossible for white supremacists to accept a black boss, black neighbor, black president, you name it. I can promise you this wasn’t the first time John made that comment to a complete stranger but it may have been the first time he’d been confronted for it, even accidentally. This comment was part of the systemic racism that we talk about today. Ahmaud Arbery wasn’t an accident. George Floyd wasn’t an accident. The two intentional acts of believing the victim was inferior, unworthy of due process or breath, were not born in 2020. They have crept into the fabric of our society because white supremacy was the foundation of our laws, our constitution, and life. Now we need the measurable help of our white friends to rebuild our foundation and demolish every aspect of systemic racism that surrounds us.
I think about this a lot. My daughters are both ¼ black. If I’m not around there’s a chance that some may not know they’re black at all. I’ve had people say “they don’t even look black” directly to me. I think about the day somebody makes a joke about black people in front of them, not knowing they’re black. I dread the eventual day when I pick up my daughters from school and receive the “oh, you’re their dad?” My girls are going to deal with a level of racism that’s different from what I’ve experienced. I’ve been called a nigger directly. Even if they don’t get called the same names I did, at times my girls will likely be able to pass as white in certain spaces and hear racism directed towards those with darker skin than them while dealing with the guilt of being accepted by a system for all the wrong reasons.
We were told racism would die off. That take has aged like milk. Charlottesville was led by young men born in the ’90s and even early 2000s. Dylann Roof was born in 1994. After President Obama’s election in 2008, White Supremacist websites saw a historic rise in traffic from white people who were livid with the reality of a black president. My girls, born in 2016 and 2019, are going to see racism, that is a guarantee. And although our white friends and family have not created our current system of oppression and injustice they do benefit from its foundation from the loans their businesses receive, the schools their kids attend, even their ability to protest injustices and communicate with authority. Right now, white people all over are wrestling with their privilege, looking at a system that was created to benefit them while it simultaneously destroys black communities and denouncing systemic racism’s origin and it’s present-day iteration. So what are some practical ways everyday parents and citizens can start eradicating systemic racism from our communities? Let’s start with five changes you can implement in the next 24 hours:
Introduce your kids to diversity in your home.
I’m talking about diverse books, diverse toys, diverse shows. If every children’s book has a white protagonist and every barbie is white and every cartoon they see has a white main character that saves the day then you cannot say “I don’t know why they’re scared of black people” when we walk by. Your kids have never seen us! Ideally, your home is a safe haven for love, joy, and familiarity so if they don’t see us in their books, toys, or shows (and not as the checkbox character) then you’re creating a child who will absolutely be disadvantaged the second they leave their home. Children make their own conclusions and if their parents choose not to be inclusive of others or segregate their schools in the name of “better education,” instinctually they will likely choose to follow your lead in the classroom and in the real world. Children are not born racist and your intentionality will be needed to help create anti-racist kids.
Have “the talk” with your kids.
Did you think I was going to tell you to talk to your kids about sex? Because “the talk” is drastically different between black and white families. Every black family has to have the talk with their kids. The talk where we learn the world is unjust. Where we’re taught how to interact with police as to not come across as a threat. As joyful kids, we see the world as rainbows and ice cream only to walk away thinking “why would somebody I don’t know hate me?” The talk is about our safety. Unfortunately, the talk rarely happens in white families so when our kids interact or speak out against racism, many white kids will either think we’re being dramatic, emotional, or blowing any number of microaggressions way out of proportion. White children need to understand the world is going to favor them and that’s not their fault but simultaneously they need to learn how to create a more equitable world for their classmates. Last but not least, never, ever, ever teach your child to be colorblind. Ever. Teach them to see color, love color, and fight against a system that hates color and our history.
Support Black Businesses and Creators.
Being a small business owner presents a number of hurdles that need to be cleared to be successful. Being a black small business owner means clearing those same hurdles that are presented to white businesses, then being presented with another set of hurdles for fun. The same goes for authors, musicians, screenwriters, etc. Black families need the opportunity to build generational wealth but capitalism has never been an even playing field for all Americans. Black businesses have been burned to the ground, boycotted against, concepts and ideas were stolen from our hands, all because our people were seen as inferior. Black businesses were largely shut out of the recent Paycheck Protection Programs. Black businesses are denied loans twice as often as white businesses. Seek out small businesses in general but I’d ask you to seek minority-owned businesses and eat in their restaurants, get to know their families, tell other families about them. Find black authors and read their work, share their stories. Small businesses have always been the source of pride within communities so when you’re able, support black businesses and creators, and please don’t ask for discounts.
Advocate for black communities.
Speaking from personal experience, oftentimes we feel alone in this struggle. When we chant Black Lives Matter and are told All Lives Matter it’s increasingly clear that our lives hold no value to those who’s knee jerk reaction is to dismiss our claims from the jump. In theory, of course, all lives should matter. I believe it but if that’s your response then you don’t. We chant Black Lives Matter because for 401 years those who hold power on this land have proven our culture is valuable enough to profit off of, our entertainment is great enough to be adopted by Elvis and Friends, our food is delicious enough to literally be called ‘comfort food’ but our bodies are expendable. Right now, people are scared that their voice may be shunned by church members or friends, family members with law enforcement ties. I am incredibly cognizant of this, specifically because my intention is to never alienate my police officer friends. That said if I speak out against police brutality, and that upsets someone more than dead black bodies do, then my valuation in their life is not high enough for me to be concerned with their feelings. Use your voice to advocate for black communities and talk to your kids about why this is the right thing to do. Do you believe all lives matter? Great, prove it by saying black lives matter.
Speak to your white friends.
Imagine going to a restaurant and when the hostess takes you to your seat the table is a mess. Now imagine your hostess says “Alright! Let’s clean this up together so you can enjoy your meal.” Funny, right? That’s how black people feel every time this issue comes around. I didn’t create white supremacy and chances are you didn’t either but there needs to be a baseline understanding that white communities have profited off of white supremacy for all of American history. We’re barely asking for an apology but an acknowledgment would be nice. Stop asking black people to help end white supremacy. We’ve been trying to end it for 400 years. We’ve never wanted it. White people are the only people with the power to end it which is why this conversation needs to be had in white communities. Talk to your boards, CEOs, politicians, police, and demand equal justice and accountability for the black community. Our stories are available, we’ve created resource after resource, and every second it takes for you to process your feelings another one of us becomes a hashtag. Decision-makers and those who’ve benefited from systemic racism don’t seem to care about our voices so we need you to use yours to speak out.
If you followed our #25forAhmaud series you saw story after story of black men and women whose lives were brutally stolen over their skin. Some lives like Anthony P Crawford were stolen due to jealousy. Timothy Caughman’s life was stolen due to pure hate. Breonna Taylor’s life was stolen due to negligence. Alma Howze’s life was stolen due to misplaced revenge. The way all of their stories ended was different though the bottom line remained the same. Black bodies have always threatened society but black people have never been a threat, we’ve never had the power. Our pigment is a collection of generations of storytellers, many of whom were brought here against their will. They worked for this country, bled for this country, died for this country, asked to be more than 3/5ths in this country, and now our request is simple; stop killing us in this country.
John felt as comfortable displaying his white supremacy to a complete stranger as I feel in my home. John thought this was the white man’s neighborhood. Do you know who else thought like John? Ahmaud Arbery’s killers. They thought they had the right to demand compliance. They thought they had the right to put a black man under citizen’s arrest for neighborhood break-ins that couldn’t be corroborated. They wanted to protect their neighborhood from men who look, talk, and act like me because we don’t belong ‘round there. But here’s the thing; we’re not looking for revenge. We’re demanding equality and your irrational goalposts of what qualifies as acceptable protest will no longer be tolerated. The scariest thing about black people is our unconscionable resilience in the face of generational atrocities so buckle up America, we’re coming for our seat at the table and you can try to close your eyes, ears, or conscience but we’ve got a 400-year track record that says “and still we rise.”
Black lives matter.