Dads — Make The Connection Now

Why Waiting a Year to Experience the Joys of Fatherhood is a Mistake.

When I became a dad, I got a lot of advice. Some of it was good, and some of it was bad. But in the Worst Advice Hall of Fame category sat this one nugget I received from a man I barely knew; “just wait until they’re one, and that’s when the fun begins.” My good sir, I hope nobody relies on your advice for anything important because, my goodness, you couldn’t be more wrong.

Bonding time looks different for every dad, but the foundation is simple; build the connection as early as possible. Studies show babies can hear your voice from the womb as early as 27 weeks. So before they’re born, read to them, be with them, and spend time with them every chance. Even if the science is wrong, what’s the worst that can happen? You read a book? You spent time with your partner? The upside is building a connection with your child. The downside is literally nothing.

And when your baby arrives, connect with them skin-to-skin! When I became a dad, I remember a nurse recommending I take off my shirt to hold my daughter. I thought, “are babies spitting up this early?” But they educated me on the benefits of connecting skin to skin, especially with their dad, who they are meeting for the first time.

And take turns when that baby is up in the middle of the night. This isn’t a scenario where “mom’s got the goods, and dad can’t do anything.” First of all, don’t say that. Second, support for your child shouldn’t be transactional. This isn’t a scenario where anyone will pat you on the back for prepping the rocking chair or heating the formula. Healthy connections are rooted in love, not high transaction volume.

From day one, your baby is feeling you out. And just know that some connections are more difficult to form than others. Still, as the experienced one in their world, it’s your responsibility to continue to show up, bringing warmth and compassion to them again and again. They won’t know you by name or sight, but they’re learning your voice and getting to know you.

And when the days get mundane, lean all the way in. You will never see more rapid growth in their life than their first 365 days. Many of those days will be difficult and, on their face, boring. But the first giggles, crawl, pull up, falls, words, and steps are not moments that you’ll want to miss. If you’re stepping into their world on day 366, expecting to start the party, I’m sad to report that you’re incredibly late.

Will they remember their first year? Of course not. Tell me one specific memory you have from your first year on earth and I’ve got courtside tickets to the Lakers game for you. But the concept of getting involved after their first birthday is centered around you, not your child, and certainly not your partner. Year one is one of the most challenging years as a dad because you’re navigating the changes in your life while learning what it means to be a dad. I understand that. I’ve been there. But don’t let challenging moments rob you of your relationships.

“I didn’t know what to expect” is a line I often hear from new dads, and while every scenario is different, I have one piece of advice; make the connections now. You’re building trust, love, and a strong foundation for your little ones to build upon as they grow. Your presence should be synonymous with safety, and your new baby is looking to feel safe in their strange new world.

Make the connection now. It is never too early, but it can be too late.