Intentionality and Fatherhood
We may never be Steph Curry on the court, but through intentionality, our biggest dreams as dads are still within reach.
Stephen Curry is one of the most accomplished basketball players of all time. A four-time champion, two-time MVP, ten-time all-star, and all-time 3-point leader. The list goes on. How many people do you think have touched a basketball in their life? One billion? Two billion people? Steph Curry is more accomplished than all but maybe 10 of those people. It’s impressive.
Steph makes the game look effortless. The way he’s constantly on the move, seeming to keep the ball on a string while weaving in and out of traffic before hitting an NBA Jam type of shot. If Steph is playing your team, it’s nerve-wracking to watch, but you can’t help but admire greatness when you see it.
But the thing is, Steph didn’t become Steph by accident. Like some, he had significant advantages in life, like having an NBA player as a dad. With that came opportunities that aren’t afforded to most. But Steph is also 6'2", short for a professional basketball player. Steph’s draft profile said his explosiveness and athleticism were below standard. Sure, people saw his potential, enough to be the 7th pick in the 2009 NBA draft. Everyone knew he could be good, but even Warriors fans were skeptical of Steph’s game.
In fact, in 2012, Warriors fan favorite Monte Ellis was traded to the Milwaukee Bucks for former #1 pick Andrew Bogut, making way for Steph Curry to form a new backcourt with the then-unproven rookie but future Hall of Famer Klay Thompson. Six days after the trade, Warriors Owner Joe Lacob was in front of their home crowd on the evening the franchise retired Warriors Legend Chris Mullins’s jersey. In part because of the fans' dismay with the team’s new direction, Lacob was booed mercilessly. The fans didn’t see Steph’s greatness; only a few did. Thankfully, for Warriors fans, Joe Lacob had a vision, and so did Steph.
“If you take time to realize what your dream is and what you really want in life– no matter what it is, whether it’s sports or in other fields– you have to realize that there is always work to do, and you want to be the hardest working person in whatever you do, and you put yourself in a position to be successful.”
Steph’s success as a basketball player didn’t happen by accident. Since high school, he’s been known as one of the most meticulous, dedicated, and driven basketball players on the planet. Because of his intentionality, Steph will end his career as one of the greatest basketball players ever. That is no accident.
The metrics of fatherhood are less simple. Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time. You can measure that statement because Steph’s made more 3-point shots than anyone in NBA history. But how do you measure a great dad? There are no stats for “saves per day” or “jokes per dinner.” How awkward would that be if we had analytics or power rankings for dads? “Last night, Ryan’s performance during bedtime was abysmal! Forgot to put the hair in buns and he stumbled all over his words during storytime. Truly embarassing.”
You can’t easily measure success for a dad, but when you look at what makes a dad great, you can boil it down to one word.
Intentionality means doing something on purpose. When you’re intentional about your work, you stay focused on the task, rarely letting the noise distract you from your goal. Intentionality is the difference between closing in on your goals or waking up one morning wondering where the past few years went. By no means is intentionality a fool proof way to achieve greatness, but it will lead to improved results over time.
Our dogs get daily walks, and that’s on purpose. Our German Shepard had a few surgeries last year, so the daily walks help him exercise his knees to feel good. If our Doberman doesn’t get a walk, this dog will stare at me as close as possible all day until he gets one. Our walks are intentional. Our walks have a purpose.
People often look at work through the same lens. Be intentional with your work and get a promotion or salary bump. But how often are dads looking to be intentional in their parenting? It’s tough, right? We have these hopes and dreams for our children, and somewhere down the line, about one million wrenches get thrown in our path, allowing our one-time vision to become a distant memory.
And in some circles, being intentional is seriously frowned upon. You know, the men who’ll laugh at another man who admits to reading a book for first-time fathers. “Just show up on their first birthday. That’s what I did.” I remember hearing advice like this as I was becoming a dad and thinking, “My goodness, you shouldn’t be giving people advice.”
Most fathers want their kids to succeed, but there’s a difference between wanting success for them and taking steps to ensure they find their version of success. Some kids are great despite their parents, but if you can take steps today that will translate into fewer therapy sessions for your children down the line, why wouldn’t you want to take them?
Intentionality unlocks doors of possibility and helps you think more clearly. It’s the difference between stumbling into summer vacation, hoping to make memories, or planning a vacation that produces stories your children will tell at your 60th birthday party. On its own, fatherhood is a beautiful thing meant to be cherished. Intentional fatherhood lets you appreciate the best seats in the house because you know just how damn fast this game is going to go.
Your existence as a dad is very much on purpose. I don’t know where you stand in the religious or spiritual realm, but I believe your child is your child for a reason. The intentionality that you bring to your journey as a dad will only help them grow and become more confident in themselves down the line. That growth will be made possible because of the intentional work you’re putting into yourself today.