The New Dad Rollercoaster Ride
Get ready for the ride of your life.
I recall about one month before I became a dad. I was sitting on my couch, playing NBA2K, doing my best to build a superteam of computer-generated NBA players.
It was my favorite part of playing that video game. Every year, I’d build a team with characters I would somehow grow far too attached to, no matter how much I told myself these were not real people.
In this season of life, I had zero plans and almost no responsibilities, and in the middle of playing a video game on a Saturday afternoon, I distinctly remember thinking, “My entire life is going to change in a matter of weeks.”
Sure enough, it did! Once my little Rae came into my life, nothing was the same, and I couldn’t have been happier.
Some could look at that transition and lament the lost days of fewer responsibilities. With my NBA2K create-a-team, I had won about ten championships in a row (Shout out to the Burlington Mountaineers).
Honestly, I was really bored. I was ready for a new challenge, not like a “play video games on hard mode” challenge.
Raising a child is the ultimate challenge. I still find it crazy that you can enter a hospital, not yet a dad, and leave 48 hours later as one, and the staff is just like, “Here’s your brand new child. Enjoy driving them home!”
Sure, there are classes. Yes, you can read the books, but let’s be real: nothing can fully prepare you for fatherhood.
One day, you’re doing amazing — absolutely crushing the bottle cleanings and the swaddles. The next day, you’re spilling breastmilk on the counter and getting peed on constantly.
Fatherhood is a rollercoaster of emotions with the highest of highs and the terrifying drops. Unfortunately, because dads have been dadding for all of human history, there’s an expectation of figuring it out because that’s just what a man does.
But “that’s what a man does” is such lazy advice that helps nobody. It’s on par with when someone’s watching their favorite football team, screaming at the TV things like “Just make a catch!” as if the Wide Receiver hadn’t thought about doing that.
Becoming a new dad is an emotional time, but thankfully, there are ways we can transition into these seasons with grace and show up well for our families and ourselves.
Here are three ways you can handle the ups and downs of new fatherhood.
Seek Support
Dads weren’t meant to do life alone. You’ve heard the term “It takes a village,” right? The term stems from an old African proverb that encapsulates the principle that no one person can successfully raise a child without the help of a community.
Whether it’s asking the nurse some extra questions in the hospital, finding a mentor you can bounce ideas off when you need it the most, or simply leaning on friends and family for meals on nights when cooking feels impossible. Whatever it is, seek support, as you’ll likely find several people in your community are waiting for permission to help.
Communicate
“But every book, article, or podcast I listen to just says communicate more.” Yes, because it’s true! Becoming a dad is natural for many men, but wisdom doesn’t come with the title.
If you’re unsure, talk about it. If you’re confused, ask for clarification. If you’re feeling anxious, speak to someone you can trust.
Communication seems obvious, and in many ways, it is, but just because it’s obvious doesn’t make it easy. In fact, I’d argue that so many of us speak on the importance of communication because it’s hard!
I’d also argue that we’ve seen the effects of poor communication in our own lives, and we’re trying to save you from making the mistakes we made.
Recharge
There are no trophies for “Most Tired” or “Best Performance on Little Sleep.”
Your friends may be impressed, and maybe you feel a sense of pride for pulling all-nighters, but you will eventually shut down if you don’t find space to recharge. Your relationships, your work, something will suffer if you can’t find space to breathe.
In the early days of fatherhood, taking time for yourself can feel selfish. “Hey babe, I’m gonna go out with the boys” isn’t necessarily what your partner wants to hear on week 3 of your baby’s life, but don’t feel bad for finding some self-care.
Now, don’t be an idiot. If you’re out all night and come back needing a full day without parenting responsibilities to recover, then listen, you’re on your own. I was never here. But if you return from a brief break, ready to take over and give your partner the same break (if not more), then you’re recharging the right way.
Fatherhood is a rollercoaster of emotions, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy rollercoasters. That said, fatherhood is the rollercoaster I never want to end, and when you’re ready, there is plenty of room for you on this ride.