Parenting Is an Official Health Crisis
The United States Government has validated your mental health struggles.
Parenting in America is a significant public health challenge.
That’s not just my opinion; those are the exact words of Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy.
Last month, the United States issued an advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. It’s called Parents Under Pressure.
This 36-page document touches on the fact that 41% of parents say that most days, they are so stressed they cannot function, and 48% say that their stress is completely overwhelming.
If you want stats, you’ll get your stats, but every page of this document touches on the insane and stressful pressures facing parents on a daily basis.
This can’t be right; parenting has always been stressful, right?
Sure, but have previous generations of parents had to contend with social media, a youth mental health crisis, the unraveling of our societal fabric, and influencers making us feel like we’re doing it all wrong?
“Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us. And the health and well-being of those who are caring for our children should matter to us as well.”
To me, fatherhood is a joy. I wouldn’t trade a single day for a day before my girls. That said, this stuff is hard!
Why is childcare another mortgage?
If everything is so expensive, why is everyone so broke?
Who’s making money here?
Parents Under Pressure touches on The Current State of Parental Stress & Well‑Being, The Relationship Between Parental Stress & Mental Health, The Impact of Parental Mental Health, and probably most importantly, Actions We Can Take.
The reality is that society is just not set up for parents, like, at all.
For example, I dropped my two kids off at school this morning. I’ve got to pick up one kid around noon today, and two hours later, I’ll be back at the same school to pick up my other kid. That’s three visits to the same location within a traditional workday.
Thankfully, due to consulting and writing, my work is relatively flexible, allowing me to be available at most times throughout the day. Still, this is only possible because my wife’s work is far more consistent than mine.
If both of us worked an 8–5, like many couples do, we would be in a significantly tougher spot. Some think that Grandparents just need to help a little bit more, but not everyone has Grandparents who are willing, able, present, or even alive to compensate for society’s poor planning.
I love our school and will always ride for public schools, but make it make sense.
The culture around parenting needs to shift from the workplace to schools to policy makers ensuring that all parents are afforded paid family leave.
All. Parents.
Also, we’ve got to build better communities.
I’m not just talking about online communities because, listen, some of these Facebook groups are built on shame.
My wife told me about some tea recently in our local Facebook moms group, and whoa, boy, let me tell you the tea was hot, dramatic, though in my opinion, every mom involved in the comment section walked away a worse person for it (very entertaining though).
Parents seek community because more than half of us feel lonely. I get it! We’ve got little people yelling at us, saying we cut their sandwich wrong.
I made a perfect grilled cheese the other day. I’m talking perfect. Do you think my kids scarfed it down? Of course not, but I did.
These tiny scenarios are enough to drive even the most put-together parent insane, and if we don’t have someone to talk or vent to, the moments that should easily get blown over can drive us into a dark and scary place.
We need a true, genuine, no-membership, no-strings-attached community where kids can be kids and adults can have adult conversations.
There are things your local government can do, such as build more parks with family-friendly activities (and shade. More shade structures or preferably trees, please).
There are things your employer can do, such as locking employees out of work activities on nights, weekends, and vacations or building out flexible work schedules because, no, Sheryl, this doesn’t sound like a conversation I need to be in your office for.
Your community, church, school, etc., can all do something to genuinely support parents better because the stress is harming not only caregivers but also negatively impacting all of our kids.
Do you think your kid is immune from hardships because your family has it all figured out? Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. Every day, we learn of small to unconscionably tragic stories of how the choices others make impact our kid's lives.
It is in our kid’s best interests to uplift the entire community rather than solely focusing on our four walls.
Look, at the end of our lives, the only thing that will matter is our families. That’s it.
Helping your boss get a promotion? No.
Hitting your quarterly numbers? Goodness no.
Imagine someone lying on their deathbed saying, “But the profit I created…”
Society has completely, and I mean completely, lost sight of the only thing on earth that matters: building a better future for our little ones.
So, parents, show yourself some compassion. Give yourself some empathy. Forgive yourself for fighting depression and not showing up the way you always want to.
We walked into a room that was on fire, and we were expected to put it out with a bottle of Dasani water.
Parenting today is quite literally a public health crisis, so parents… give yourself a break…
But after your break is over, I’ve got some homework for us.
Head over to surgeongeneral.gov/parents and download the Parents Under Pressure PDF.
Read the document, but while you’re there, you’ll see other shareable documents. Share them!
Share them with ten followers. Share them with ten million followers. Talk about the statistics with your friends and colleagues. Write a Medium post about them! Whatever you do, don’t keep these figures to yourself.
Making change starts with awareness. A single drop of water might not get the job done, but I guarantee they’ll notice a flood.
The path we’ve been on for the past ten years or so is literally killing us, and I think we owe it to ourselves to pump the breaks a bit and take back control of the future we want to build for our kids.
I bet you would do anything for your kid, right? Well, the most selfless thing you can do in this season is put on your oxygen mask first, as you are no good to anyone if you’re struggling to breathe.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of your mental health.
Seriously, our kids are counting on us.