Are We Pushing Youth Athletes Too Hard?
Kids deserve to feel joy in sports — not burnout.
From parents to coaches, kids are facing high expectations to perform like pros.
I see it all the time with kids who spend their entire game wondering who to pay attention to. Do they pay attention to their coaches? Should they pay attention to their parents?
It can get confusing as kids are learning more than the rules out there.
Kids don’t want to disappoint their parents, so when they see them going crazy on the sidelines, it can take the kid's minds away from the game, not to mention that it’s just embarrassing.
And then you’ve got the coaches who run practices like professionals. Running drill after drill until these kids get it right! I am a coach, so I get it.
I’ve had my fair share of frustrating practices, but more times than not, the frustration is due to either me not explaining the drill correctly or it’s just not an age-appropriate drill. 9 times out of 10, the failure was my fault, while the other time, it’s just kids being kids.
Between parents and coaches, sometimes our expectations can be insanely high.
We see other talented kids perform great feats, and we say, “Our kid can do that too!” Or worse, we watch professionals work their tails off and expect our kids to do the same.
The comparison game can kill the experience because our expectations may not match our kids.
Youth athletes are being pushed beyond their limits by adults, leading to unnecessary pressure and burnout.
We touched on the comparison game, but think about it from your perspective.
You try your best at work, and no matter what you do or what moves you make, it’s never enough for your boss, who spends most of their days expecting you to be someone you’re not.
If this happens enough, burnout is going to find you, and that’s exactly what our kids are facing in sports.
Burnout sucks, and it’s caused by a number of things. To explain burnout, let’s get technical and go to the National Library of Medicine for a definition.
Burnout is a psychological syndrome emerging as a prolonged response to chronic interpersonal stressors on the job. The three key dimensions of this response are an overwhelming exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and detachment from the job, and a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment.
This definition refers to people with jobs, which is fitting because too many of these kids play sports like it’s their job.
The Stats:
70% of kids drop out of organized sports by age 13 due to burnout and pressure to perform.
When I see that number, I get really sad. I coach 3rd and 4th graders, and each season, my goal is to have them come back and play.
If I can help a kid fall in love with the game, then my job is done. I’ve coached about 50 kids over the past two years, and the thought of 35 of my kids giving up sports in the next few years breaks my heart.
Not because they’re leaving sports for another activity. As a former basketball player and theater kid, I am all for kids choosing paths that better align with their plans.
But to quit sports due to burnout and pressure is what bums me out. It shouldn’t be this way.
Parents would be the first to tell you about the overbearing role of parents in youth sports
On the one hand, I appreciate the honesty. I see it all the time on the sidelines, the disappointment that sets in when their kid gets crossed up, struck out, or falls off the balance beam. Parents can take these lessons personally, leaving the kids feeling like they’ve let their parents down.
At some point, it’s just easier not to play sports than to feel like you’re letting your parents down again and again.
Who wants to deal with that pressure? Who wants to make a mistake and dread the car ride home with parents who’ll make you relive that moment over repeatedly?
Parents need to give their kids a nudge from time to time. I see it with my kids and their homework.
Sometimes, I push them even when they don’t want it because I know if they apply themselves, they can complete their homework.
What I’m not doing is pushing them to be perfect, never write their Bs backward, or never get a math problem wrong. They’re human. I’m human.
I make mistakes all the time. Unfortunately, kids feel that pressure to be perfect in sports, which can be tough when you’re learning the game.
Why it matters:
The push to excel can strip the joy out of sports for children, leading them to quit at an early age.
Burnout at such a young age shows that adults are failing to create a supportive environment that fosters development rather than high-pressure performance.
Instead of creating lifelong athletes, we’re losing them before their teenage years.
Kids are going to feel the pressures of the real world soon enough, and as parents, we know them all too well, and they suck.
But instead of pushing our kids toward burnout in sports, we’ve got to find a way to teach them how to navigate adversity and find hope in overcoming challenges.
This article is an expert from my podcast, Courtside Forever, created for parents trying to stay present, especially in the chaos of everyday life. You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Podcasts.
