Finding Time for You: Self-Care Strategies for Every Dad

Tips on how fathers can integrate self-care into their daily routines.

When possible, I like to get my life advice from the cast of Parks and Recreation. Between my time as a City Commissioner for my city’s Parks and Recreation Department and my Ron Swanson-inspired ice cream brand, Be Ice Cream Or Be Nothing, the people of Pawnee have yet to steer me wrong.

I might not be as organized and tenacious as Leslie Knope. I certainly try to incorporate a bit more cheer into my day than April Ludgate. But once Tom and Donna said, “Treat Yo’ Self,” I knew I could make that happen.

In the early stages of fatherhood, there aren’t a lot of opportunities to treat yo’ self. Between navigating new family dynamics, work, a run, a shower, etc., it’s easy to feel depleted at the end of the day.

A workout seems like it can wait until tomorrow. Date night feels low on the priority list, and even if you get a night out, the date is typically 60 minutes of talking about your child with tiny intermissions to chat with your server about the evening’s specials.

The problem is that generally speaking, putting all of your energy into your child is very selfless, and being selfless is a wonderful trait of being a dad. But keep neglecting yourself, your marriage, and your friends, and you’ll find yourself lonely in the middle of an identity crisis before you know it.

Funny enough, the characteristics of dads who’ve lost their sense of identity lead to struggles that make fatherhood more complicated than it needs to be.

Like everything in life, we need moderation. We need to struggle through sleepless nights rocking our babies back to sleep — let’s call those our vegetables. But we also need the occasional late nights around the fire with our buddies to catch up — let’s call that our ice cream.

Sometimes, you’ve got to work a little to ball a lot, so in the meantime, let’s talk about ways dads can integrate self-care into their daily routines.

Prioritize Your Health

Your health is non-negotiable. That’s easier said than done, I know, but seriously, if you don’t have your health, how much does anything else matter? You can’t do your job without your health, you can’t enjoy a vacation without your health, and you sure can’t playfully chase your kids around the house pretending you’re a monster without your health.

Get outside. Take a walk. Drink water. Paddle your own canoe. There are tiny changes that you can make today that can make a world of a difference tomorrow. You don’t have to work through every lunch or trade sleep for improved efficiency. The best thing you can ever do for the people you love is to take care of yourself first.

Use Technology Wisely

If we’re going to walk around with these devices on us, then we might as well use them for good. Have you ever heard of the Calm app? I love that app. I don’t get paid for saying this (though I wouldn’t be opposed), but I credit that app for keeping my sanity in the weeks after I got laid off. At night, when I couldn’t sleep, I’d put on Levar Burton’s “Journey to the Stars” Sleep Story, and I’d be out within 20 minutes.

Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” during dinner. Better yet, if you’re an iPhone user, create custom Focus settings, including work mode, weekend mode, vacation mode, etc. Your phone will automatically change settings to avoid getting bombarded with work emails after hours.

People weren’t meant to be reachable every second of the day, especially by people who are not our family.

Combine Activities

While I’m a proud advocate of men getting out of the house and enjoying some solo time away from the family, I want to be clear that we can recharge around the people we love, too.

We don’t need a golf getaway every Sunday or a night out with the boys every weekend to recharge the batteries. There are plenty of ways to focus on self-care while still handling your parenting responsibilities.

Work out with the kids. Do a family yoga session. Pick up the coloring pencils and draw an awful portrait of your kids to make them laugh. Whether it’s a family walk, a family baking session, or even a family movie, there are countless ways you can combine your favorite thing with your kids and create special bonds in the process.

Early Morning and Late Night Routine

I’m not much of a morning person. That’s why I get annoyed at the productivity gurus who insist you wake up before the birds to get a start on your day. In reality, I have no doubt that starting your day before the kids wake up has some serious benefits, but that requires you to go to bed at what, 8 pm? Abbott Elementary starts at 9 pm, so I’m already out.

Wake up early, stay up late. Find time to decompress and think. It’s 10:30 pm on a Monday night as I type this, and this is what works for me.

Some people love their morning coffee, while I’m all about my nighttime tea. Ultimately, if your routine works for you, then I am cheering you on all the way.

Delegate and Say No

We all grew up on “Just Say No,” so the concept should be easy to understand. Yet, as our personal calendars start to look like our work calendars, we can feel the stress build as our next free day is about as far out as a marathon finish line.

We say yes for several reasons, but ask yourself whether you need to vacuum the whole house today. Like, would your house shut down due to too much dust if you took a break in the middle of an insanely busy week?

Prioritize and delegate — that’s what you need to do if you want a semblance of peace in your life. Live with margin by making time for yourself, even if that means literally putting “Rest” onto your calendar. Working yourself to exhaustion is not a competition as much as some would like you to believe. Free yourself up for a bit of R&R and treat yo’ self to some fine leather goods or mimosas (or whatever makes most sense to you).