Let the Kids Play

Basketball season is right around the corner.

This season, I’ve decided to step into the insanity a bit further by agreeing to coach two teams: a third and fourth grade team and also a kindergarten team.

My daughters will be on each team, and I couldn’t be more excited to be their coach.

I’ve coached my oldest daughter for well over a year, spanning six seasons and dozens of memories. Naturally, as a dad, you get to watch your kids grow over the years.

One day, your kid is speaking in fragmented sentences, and the next, you’re having full-blown conversations about the intricacies of their days. It’s easy to say,“Wait, when did you learn this?”

However, as a coach, you can easily track their development. You’ve got front-row seats to watch the smallest breakthroughs, such as making their first shot or seeing how their lockdown defense contributed to a win. You can pinpoint the moments when things start to click, which is why I love my Dad/Coach title.

My youngest will be playing organized basketball for the first time. I don’t know how organized kindergarten basketball can be, but to me, chaos is the best part about five-year-olds playing sports.

Watching a child grab the ball and run full speed down the court without taking a dribble while their parents are on the sideline yelling,“Dribble! Dribble the ball!” brings me immense joy.

Of course, as a coach, I’ll teach the game and do my best to guide my young athletes in the right way, but at the end of the day, they’re kids, something I like to remind everyone involved with youth sports.

Some kids just have it.

During the first practice of my first season as a coach, I began practice with a simple dribble drill. The kids would stand on the baseline and dribble with each hand.

That’s it. That’s the drill.

I wanted to see what we were working with before I implemented more advanced drills. As I walked down the line, kids were dribbling off their feet and fumbling the ball left and right. It was about what I expected.

Then I came to one girl who looked to have the ball on a string. Her feet were balanced perfectly, and her eyes looked straight ahead as she dribbled the ball effortlessly.

She was the same age as the rest of the kids, but her advancement level was lightyears ahead of the rest. Following practice, I went to her parents to essentially say, “You know you have a basketball prodigy on your hands, right?”

Not every kid is as skilled as her; this girl is a legit basketball star in the making. She had a drive that couldn't be taught and a serious commitment to perfecting drills.

Her efforts are paying off, and I have no doubt they will continue to do so. While other parents would watch her score effortlessly and think, “My kid could do that, too,” the reality is most kids are not built like that, and that’s okay!

The majority of kids are just looking to sports to have fun, make friends, and enjoy the game. Whether the kid wants to be a star or they just want to try something new, kids should be supported in a way that makes sense for them.

Unfortunately, far too many adults with their unrealistic expectations are sucking the joy right out of the sport for kids.

There is a referee crisis in American youth sports right now, and it doesn’t appear to be getting better. From coast to coast, referees are saying, “I’m done,” because they don’t want to deal with the parents.

The Tampa Bay Times published an article in 2023 titled In Florida and Beyond, Youth Sports Has Problems, and It’s Costing the Kids. In it, author Lauren Peace profiled local soccer referee Ed Pena.

“I’ve been cursed out, I’ve had my car keyed,” Pena said. “It didn’t used to be this way.”

Pena clearly notes how the parents of athletes have radically changed in recent years, and this has had a ripple effect on youth sports.

“We’re losing refs, and we’re losing players because of it,” said Pena.

Youth sports get a bad rap nowadays, and it’s easy to see why. With referees being assaulted for missing calls or coaches being shot for minor disagreements over playing time, the cost of participation seems to be at an all-time high. That’s exactly why I’m leaning heavily into my role as a coach.

Kids deserve to know joy. Kids deserve to experience sports. In addition to the physical benefits of exercise, there is a positive mental component that comes with accomplishing goals in a group setting.

As adults, we often face challenging circumstances and have to find ways to overcome obstacles. Sports can give kids the opportunity to understand perseverance and learn how to manage any situation that comes their way.

Have you ever had a teammate who didn’t know how to pass or a captain who didn’t know how to lead? I have. It’s part of the human experience! But at the same time, I’ve had teammates who lifted me up after missing shots and teammates who encouraged me while I sat on the bench. These life lessons have prepared me for the workplace and life in general.

The full experience of humanity can be found in sports, and kids deserve a space to learn with our support.

While the emphasis of youth sports should be centered on the child, far too many parents are placing themselves in the spotlight.

While their advocacy may be rooted in good intentions, their singular focus on what they feel is best for their kid is sucking the joy out of play for everyone from coaches to refs, league organizers, and even their own kids.

Every kid matters, regardless of their current skill level.

The goal of youth sports isn’t to prepare our kids for the draft. While I’ve played with some talented athletes, very few have played professionally.

Youth sports shouldn’t be designed to support one player. While it’s inspiring to witness talent, especially at a young age, teaching kids that they are God’s gift to sport places them at a unique disadvantage as they grow older.

Eventually, they will come across athletes who are hungrier, better prepared, and even more talented than them, and if they’re not ready for adversity, their ceiling will be lower than they’d like.

This is why our goal as coaches and parents should be to enhance everyone's experience by building an environment where teamwork matters, the same as it does in the real world. Did you create the best product in the world? Good luck without a marketing expert.

I’ve seen plenty of kids who I’m confident will not spend a second pursuing sports come high school, but while they are involved in sports, the experience they have matters. That kid could be the next mayor, CEO, or Teacher of the Year, utilizing the skills they learned on the court as a kid to excel in their professional careers.

Kids having a positive experience in youth sports is the difference between building their self-confidence and breaking their self-worth. Adults have a massive role to play in kids’ development, whether on the bench or in the stands.

When it comes to youth sports, let the kids develop, grow, and make mistakes. Let the kids have a subpar coach or a bad referee and help guide them through navigating reasonable frustrations. Let the kids learn how to win and learn how to lose. Both experiences help build invaluable tools on and off the court.

But whatever you do, as a parent or a coach, just let the kids play.