Parenting in Unprecedented Times

Our kids are waiting for us to build them a better world. Can we?

When an assassination attempt was made on former President Trump, I thought my reaction would have been stronger.

While scrolling through Twitter, I came across a tweet that showed the former President on stage at a rally, bleeding from his ear while surrounded by Secret Service members, fist raised in the air.

The image didn’t look like AI, and the author didn’t appear to be someone of journalistic relevance. I’d seen about five tweets before it, mostly about the NBA Summer League basketball, so my confusion left me with a feeling of “What is even happening right now?”

After a bit more digging, I saw, indeed, the former President had been shot on stage… but I guess he was fine? Twitter was filled with conspiracy theories within minutes of the event, and with the removal of verified accounts, it’s difficult to make sense of well-sourced information on that platform anymore.

I switched from NBATV to CNN, hoping to get a better idea of what was going on in Pennsylvania. Immediately, I heard a rallygoer describing a man getting shot and killed by a bullet that was meant for Trump. The description was horrifying. Truly, truly horrific.

My daughters were upstairs playing in their rooms as I folded laundry. I figured it would be the perfect time to catch the news, which is almost never on in our house. Soon, I heard a voice beside me; “Dad, can you help me?” My daughter needed her speaker charged.

I quickly grabbed the remote to change the TV back to basketball, and as I changed the channel, I saw the Chryon—Shooting Leaves One Dead at Trump Rally in PA.

My heart sank. Did she see the Chryon? I’ll talk to my kids about anything, but an assassination attempt on a former President is tough ground to cover on a Saturday afternoon. This just happened. Seriously, nobody knows what’s happening right now, despite their attempts to appear as experts on unprecedented events.

At some point, I know we’ll have to talk about it. We’ve talked about Martin Luther King’s assassination, so the topic isn’t totally new, but this attempt took place now, with 4K cameras and cell phone footage immediately available to the public.

This isn’t a “back in the day, people were crazy” conversation. It's a “we’re living in unprecedented times” conversation, and I don’t know if I’m ready.

It’s a similar conversation we had after the Uvalde school shooting as schools conducted lockdown drills to keep kids safe. It’s a similar conversation we had in March 2020 when life as we knew it changed, and a simple trip to Grandma’s house would be postponed indefinitely.

You would think we’re professionals by now because every single election since I became a dad has been the most consequential election of my life. With women’s bodily autonomy on the line, voting rights at stake, and democracy itself up for grabs, every vote feels like life or death, and in many ways, it is.

Your entire life has been one big unprecedented moment, kid. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what comes next.

I’m 37, and the rapid pace at which society has collectively lost its minds is baffling. I remember a time when I could casually mention something as mundane as roadwork without the conversation somehow leading directly to Dr. Fauci, the Deep State, or, God forbid, the end times.

I recall a time when I could go to the grocery stores or church without seeing some man in T-shirt that said, “At least I didn’t raise a liberal,” or better yet for my fellow Californians, “F*ck Newsom.”

A five-minute stroll through your favorite social media app will show the least informed person you know sharing thoughts on the world that would drive Billy Madison’s Principal insane. Every so often, one of your friends will just casually share a post, calling for a new Civil War while enjoying Sunday brunch on vacation.

Earlier, I mentioned how I felt my reaction should have been stronger. I should have been shocked. We’re talking about the attempted assassination of a former President who is currently running to become President again. But I wasn’t shocked. Not one bit.

Saddened, for sure. Listen, I think Donald Trump is the narcissist of narcissists who would grift his way into another buck if it meant taking your last unemployment check. The man has zero, and I mean zero empathy for anyone who can’t make him money.

That said, I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone, even those who’ve incited political violence in the past.

This moment was inevitable. To be fair, I didn’t think Trump would be the target of an assassination attempt, though anyone who’s followed American politics since 2007 knew this day was coming. Opportunists have been riling up voters since a Black man had a real chance to become the President of the United States.

From the record-setting gun purchases after President Obama’s 2008 victory to politicians openly refusing to accept election results, people are riled up. We’ve got Ivy League-educated politicians telling their struggling constituents that their opponents are out to get them, and as a result, the future of American politics looks to have a countdown clock, and the seconds are moving faster than we’d like.

As our family went on with our Saturday night, we put together a puzzle. The joy of seeing my girls get excited over finding two pieces that match together was perfect and just what I needed. Just a dad, mom, and their two daughters listening to music and completing a puzzle. Life is good.

And then I go to bed and think of how my daughters’ lives have been filled with unprecedented events since the day they were born and how, outside of our four walls, things are feeling unstable.

As we walk our dogs through our neighborhood, there’s a flag hanging from someone's garage that clearly says, “F*ck Biden.” As we drive, we pass cars with giant decals of guns and antagonistic language, threatening Lord knows who with violence for driving too close to their cars.

Hell, people openly make comments such as, “If Trump gets re-elected, I’m moving to another country,” laying a foundation of fear in kids who wonder if they’re safe at home.

If history has shown us anything, it’s that humans are capable of committing ugly, horrific crimes. When my wife and I chose to start a family, we knew the world we were living in. I guess you just assume that, over time, things will get better.

You assume that people will have access to more information and will start to mellow out, surely not falling for conspiracy theories or electing candidates for public office who are far past the human life expectancy.

You assume that people would understand that to be in community with others is to respect and look out for your neighbor, who would also do the same for you. Life wouldn’t be perfect, but life would be better, safer, and more equitable for all, including the folks represented by the stars on our flag.

To be clear, being an American is an enormous privilege, one I had zero say in, but things don’t seem to be getting better, do they?

Despite their best efforts, doomsayers and political opportunists don’t control my fatherhood. As I held my baby girls for the first time, I promised to do my best to build a world they could be proud of, and as long as I’ve got breath in my body, I’m going to try.

“Control the controllables” is a motto I live by. That phrase has allowed me to find peace in chaos when our world makes little sense. Right now is one of those times.

There is so much in life that I can’t control—I mean, there are thousands of areas of my own life that I can’t control. But I can do my best, love my family well, show empathy for those in pain, and not treat strangers online like complete garbage.

There is a direct correlation between our societal anxieties and the breakdown of decency. When I begin to feel bitter, hopeless, or anxious myself, it’s often due to an increase in time spent online and a decrease in time doing things I love.

Attention is our most valuable currency, and nothing grabs our attention like a threat. Spend enough time online, and everything around you will feel like one.

Still, my kids deserve a dad who is present, empathetic, and doesn’t change his stance on political violence depending on whom it’s inflicted upon. If we’re going to continue to live through unprecedented times, my kids deserve a dad who serves as a compass, guiding them north toward safety and light.

Going low feels good. Trust me, I’ve dunked on a person or two, and pointing out their hypocrisy feels validating, and the likes feel vindicating. But personally, cynicism steers me away from the dad I hope to be—one who is kind, consistent, and above the noise.

I don’t want to be buried in my notifications, waiting for replies, and missing life's greatest joys happening right in front of me. Imagine not laughing at your daughter's joke because you were too busy replying to (at)PatrioticPatriot693, a literal bot that’s monitoring your data.

Our kids deserve parents who will actively build a better neighborhood, community, and world around them. This can’t happen while dabbling in conspiracy theories that wake our paranoia and quell our humanity. This can happen through humility and self-awareness, knowing we are all in this together.

I know you’re tired. I’m tired, too, and you’re more than validated in feeling that way. But we have to reject apathy.

We have to change our ways.

That’s my hope, at least. I know I’m just one person, and I can’t change the world, but I can change my perspective for my entire world.