Living With Anxiety Isn’t a Requirement of Fatherhood
As a dad, feeling anxious is normal, but it shouldn’t feel routine. Here are six practical ways to reduce anxiety and improve your experience as a dad.
Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Dads, have you ever felt this way?
The fatherhood of old says to toughen up; that’s just the way it is. But the fatherhood of old led to some unhealthy relationships with work, alcohol, and family, too. I’m weary of any fatherhood advice that starts with, “Well, back in my day…”
Thankfully, today we have options for acknowledging our anxiety. There is still a mountain to climb when it comes to openly addressing men’s mental health without being laughed at or minimized. Still, slowly but surely, we’re seeing progress in our ability to be transparent about our struggles.
If you constantly worry about your family, job, and future, then the good news is you’re human. The better news is there are ways to reduce your anxiety as a dad while staying attached to reality.
I can’t promise you’ll get to the end of this piece and feel healed from the anxiety you’re facing, but I can say that you have all the tools necessary to be the dad your little ones need.
Here are six ways to feel less anxious as a dad.
Prioritize self-care.
I chuckle when I see a post relating to “grind culture.” You know, the mentality to sleep when you’re dead and never stop hustling until you achieve your goals. On its face, the idea is so silly that I don’t know where to begin.
Our bodies were made to rest. Studies have shown that even one night of sleep deprivation can impair cognitive abilities such as attention, concentration, memory, and decision-making. That’s just sleep. Long days at work and hoarding vacation days lead to a life I want nothing to do with.
Use your vacation days. Take a break. Create a plan with your partner to get out of the house, even if it’s just to your local coffee shop for an hour. You can seek rest, or your body will shut down, forcing you to rest. Prioritizing self-care is one of the most selfless acts we can do for others.
Seek support.
You don’t have to do it alone. Fatherhood is tough, man. Many of us are trying to learn how to be a good dad without having had a positive role model to follow growing up. That history alone is enough to process. You owe it to yourself to navigate your past and move forward healthily.
A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who received therapy reported significant reductions in symptoms of depression and anxiety. If you’ve ever heard that therapy is only for women or people who’ve dealt with severe trauma, you’ve been lied to.
Most people who regularly attend therapy greatly benefit from their sessions, and as someone who’s previously attended therapy sessions, I couldn’t recommend them enough. Like every profession, some are better than others, so if you end up with a therapist you don’t connect with, that’s okay. Keep seeking support, and know that you deserve to feel joy.
Manage your expectations.
Have you ever played the comparison game? It’s fun, isn’t it? You spend ten minutes going through another dad’s feed and think, “Wow, they’ve got it made,” while you navigate sleepless nights and 200 diaper changes.
Every season is different. On top of that, you likely have no idea what that person is going through or whether their highlight reel is even an accurate representation of their life. I said it like ten sentences earlier; fatherhood is tough, man. The only fatherhood hack is putting in the work. That’s it.
Manage your expectations by understanding you are not alone in your struggles. Some do a better job than others at masking their struggles, but each stage has its ups and downs. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with dads who’ve been there and made it through the tough times because sometimes we need proof that joy is on the other side of hardships.
Engage in open communication.
I love a good Hallmark Christmas movie. They’re about two hours long with commercials, and my goodness, they are so cheesy. But do you know why they’re so long? Because nobody knows how to communicate! I swear, these movies would be five minutes long if the main character were like, “Hey John, I’m really not feeling how much you’re on your phone, and I think you may actually be a workaholic. I’m going to my hometown, where I heard my ex-boyfriend is newly single and still hot, and I’m going to see if we’ve still got any chemistry left. Good luck.”
How does that relate to reducing anxiety? Because I’d bet that almost every issue that keeps you up at night results from a lack of communication. In every dad group, someone will inevitably bring a problem to the table. No matter the issue, without fail, another dad will ask, “Have you talked to your partner about it?” and most of the time, the answer is no.
Whether it’s a partner, a friend, your child, or a therapist — communicate openly and often. There is healing in voicing your concerns, and you might be surprised what answers arise when you put words to your problems rather than internalizing them like a Hallmark Christmas character.
Establish routines.
Sometimes life is just chaotic. There are ways to minimize it but throw in a fever on top of anniversaries, a couple of gymnastics practices, and a work deadline, and you can hardly find time to breathe. I wouldn’t recommend this to become standard by any means, but as a dad, you know these seasons exist.
Establish a routine, no matter how small. Maybe it’s a ten-minute news podcast to help you catch up on what’s happening outside your home. Maybe it’s a five-minute meditation followed by a homemade smoothie you enjoy. Maybe it’s a walk. It could be a jog, but whatever it is, find a way to establish a routine you can count on in seasons where everything seems up in the air.
Steve Jobs had a routine. He famously wore similar outfits daily because he didn’t want to spend brainpower on choosing an outfit each morning. That is a routine I would never adopt in a million years, but the cool thing about people is that we’re all different. Create a routine that works for you because predictability can reduce anxiety by giving us one thing we can count on.
Educate yourself.
When I feel anxious, it’s often because I don’t know what to do. I feel anxious when the garbage disposal makes a weird noise because I don’t know how to fix it. Now I’ve got to go to YouTube and watch some guy teach me how to fix the garbage disposal in four minutes, knowing damn well I don’t have the right tools for this job. But after my twentieth watch, I’ll start to get the hang of what to do, and by the end of the day, the garbage disposal may be fixed. Hopefully.
Books about fatherhood exist. Podcasts about fatherhood exist. Several dads out there have been where you are and are looking to educate others who’ve been dealing with anxiety and stress.
We don’t have all the answers. It would be insane to assume we do. But collectively, we can learn from each other, bettering ourselves and our families while reducing the anxiety that comes with being a dad.