Tips for Stay-At-Home Parents Returning to Work

Organizations that are biased against parents aren’t places you want to be. Here are five areas to focus on to find a job that will keep your family first.

I’ve spent my fair share of time this year as a stay-at-home Dad, and let me tell you, caregiving is the hardest joy you’ll ever feel. You just make meals and clean up all day. Clean up meals. Clean up toys. You’re like a little rumba moving from room to room, hastily picking up anything your kid may have dropped or forgot to put away.

I say it’s the hardest joy because I wouldn’t have it any other way. Putting together puzzles at 10 am on a weekday morning is a delight. Singing songs at the library with dozens of loud children is relatively fun. Even sitting down for lunch while listening to the random stories my daughter recites is a joy like none other. While the job is challenging, I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything.

Being a stay-at-home dad isn’t only difficult because of the kids. If anything, dealing with the kids is the easy part. Dealing with others’ misinterpretations is the biggest challenge.

Hearing comments like, “Looks like Dad is babysitting today” at the gorcery store on a Tuesday morning speaks to the general bias that men can’t be stay-at-home dads. At the very least, it’s somewhat shocking for some to consider the concept.

Comments like, “Mommy did a great job with your hair,” make me cringe after spending the morning doing their hair. Does Mom do her hair well? Yes! Of course, she does. But I did it today, so quit assuming!

We’re second-guessed, assumed to be a placeholder for mom, and it’s a bummer because stay-at-home parents are darn good at what they do. In fact, we would be darn good at just about anything we do, but the long-held stigma against stay-at-home parents is that we contribute little to society.

The reality is that we teach, provide support, navigate meltdowns, make quick decisions, adapt our communication, deal with unreasonable customers, strategically plan our weeks, etc. Does that sound familiar?

Stay-at-home parents hold c-suite level skills, yet while executives get world-renowned praise for their expertise and role in society, parents struggle to be taken seriously when returning to work after time away.

It’s unfortunate, really, because as companies try to force people back into the office where they can manufacture culture with pizzas and all-hands meetings, stay-at-home parents are struggling to get their foot in the door with a salary that won’t simply be handed over to a childcare provider.

There appears to be a natural connection between what companies are looking for and what returning-to-work parents have to offer that it’s downright silly to see parents struggling to find equitable work while companies struggle to find great talent.

I’ve seen articles advising parents looking to return to the workplace, and some of them simply need to be more honest. Right now, in 2023, there is a high number of professionals who have a bias against stay-at-home parents, and there is little we can do to overcome that bias. We need to control the controllables because even if you mask your time as a stay-at-home dad, do you want to work for an employer that sees parenting as a burden? I wouldn’t, and I doubt you would either.

That’s why I compiled a list of 5 things stay-at-home parents can do to improve their odds of returning to the workplace that’s suitable for their family.

Create a list of non-negotiables.

I’ve written several job descriptions in my life, and when I meet with hiring managers, they always have a list of non-negotiables for candidates.

“This candidate needs 5 years of experience in a specific field.”

“This candidate must have a specific certification.”

“I don’t want a candidate who has worked as a consultant.”

As a candidate, do you have a list of non-negotiables? If not, you should! Hiring is a two-way street, and there is no way that organizations should have all the power in the partnership.

40 hours on-site? Not for me. Unclear reporting structure? Pass. A job description that says everyone is family here? Big time pass. You’ve got options, too. Utilize them.

Network, but like, authentically.

Okay, so everyone is going to tell you to network, but I’m going to ask you to be intentional with your network. Find a popular creator on LinkedIn and look at the responses. You’ll see many versions of “Yes, love this!” and “I agree!” on all of their posts. What value does that bring to the conversation?

Go deep, analyze the post, and respond in a way that shows the author you’re paying attention. It’s not only for the author, but your comment will have hundreds of eyes from hiring managers from around the globe.

Many think networking is about gearing attention towards ourselves, but if we highlight others and bring light to their work, we have the ability to stand out simply by being mindful. Listening and then responding is a superpower, so whether it’s online or in person, use it.

Reply to rejections.

An underrated way to network is by replying to rejections. Recruiters send out hundreds of rejection letters each week. Depending on the Applicant Tracking System they’re using, they’re likely sent in bulk, meaning that, hopefully, after reviewing your resume, a Recruiter is sending messages to hundreds of candidates at once. This includes qualified candidates, unqualified candidates, you name it.

Sometimes, the Recruiter may have rejected you for a role. Still, a kindly worded response may encourage that Recruiter to take a second look at your resume and see if anything else is available.

Develop a list of questions.

My biggest pet peeve as a Recruiter is when a candidate has no questions for me. We just spent 45 minutes on a video call. I know about your career, objectives, and your barking dog. Do you mean to tell me you don’t have a single question about the company? The job? The manager? Me?

This is your chance to learn whether or not you want to move forward. Again, remember your non-negotiables. Ask about benefits. Ask about paid time off. Ask about why the role is open. Come prepared for the conversation, showing that you did your homework and you have a better shot at overcoming any biases the interviewer may have had walking into your conversation.

Remember your why.

After staying home with the kids, returning to work can be difficult. Walking into an environment where people joke about being married to their job can really ruffle feathers for those who want to do good work to enjoy time with their family more. Not every environment is for you. Not every boss is for you. Only you can know your why, but if a potential workplace doesn’t support your “why,” then I’d strongly recommend you reconsider moving forward with them.

I don’t care what the consensus says. There has never been a person who laid on the death bed, wishing they had sent more emails or attended more meetings. As a stay-at-home parent, you’ve had the privilege of doing the most critical job this world has ever known. Whatever role you’re stepping into should support the life you’re trying to create, and while every partnership has a give and take, as parents, we can never give up our why.