Singin’ and Dancin’ With My Friends

From Ja Rule to Lil Nas X — Here are some of the best lyric censors in Kidz Bop History.

I’m not ashamed to say that Kidz Bop stays on repeat in our house. I’ve met plenty of parents who refuse to introduce their kids to the world of Kidz Bop, and you know what? I get it. Listening to kids sing slightly off-key to censored versions of pop songs is not for everyone, but it is for me.

For some reason, I love pieces of entertainment that are just slightly off. My buddies introduced me to The Room a few years back, and I was obsessed. The concept of a movie that strange making its way through the writer’s room, to production, and finally to my tv screen leaves me with far more questions than answers.

The same goes for Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” I saw someone share that video on Reddit in 2011 when it had 50,000 views. I immediately shared the video on Facebook, not knowing what life this music video would take on in the coming weeks. A few days later, Friday went viral, amassing millions of views from people who found the video as unique as I did. The intersection between “Interesting…” and “How did this get made?” is my sweet spot, and Kidz Bop sits directly at the corner of those streets.

Sometime in 2009, I came across a commercial for Kidz Bop 16. Black Eyed Pea’s smash hit, Boom Boom Pow, kicked off the commercial with a bird’s eye view of kids dancing and yelling, “Gotta get that!” I was aware of Kidz Bop then, but as a 22-year-old with no kids, I paid little attention to what it was, and I certainly wasn’t paying $.99 to listen to a song on iTunes.

But the Kidz Bop version of Boom Boom Pow changed everything. I watched the commercial as kids sang covers of Rihanna’s “Live Your Life,” Britney Spears’s “Circus,” and Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb,” among others. As a non-parent, listening to kids singing covers of popular songs made no sense to me, but that didn’t stop me from needing to hear more.

I paid $.99 to download Kidz Bop’s “Boom Boom Pow.” I needed to hear the quality. I need to know what this was all about. Five seconds in, I heard a chorus of children yelling, “Gotta get that!” repeatedly, and I may have quite literally rolled on the floor laughing.

Now I’ve got two kids of my own. Spotify’s Disney Princess playlist dominates my year-end recaps, and while I don’t mind listening to kid’s music, I can’t do it all the time. I use Spotify’s explicit track remover often to listen to my music, but even then, there are lines that come through that I’d rather not have my girls repeating at such a young age. Knowing how I love slightly off “How did this get made…” music, one day, I unironically turned on Kidz Bop for some middle-ground music, and both the kids and I loved it, though for very different reasons.

Sometimes, a track will come on that I’m aware of, and I think, “How in the world are they going to censor this?” Remarkably, they always find a way. Truly, my favorite part of listening to Kidz Bop is seeing how they change their song lyrics which got me thinking; what are some of the best lyric changes in Kidz Bop music history? Lucky for you, I did some research and found a few examples.

Bruno Mars — That’s What I Like

Bruno Mars’s 2017 That’s What I Like is about flaunting your wealth and taste to a woman you are trying to have sex with. Kidz Bop needed this track on Kidz Bop 35. The entire song gets a makeover, but there’s a line that I was really curious about how they would make the change.

Bruno Mars: Sex by the fire all night. Silk sheets and diamonds all white.

Kidz Bop: Hang by the fire at night. Those tiny diamonds, all white.

Hanging by the fire at night is certainly more age-appropriate than sex by the fire all night. Good save. Also, the downgrade to tiny diamonds is such a funny change, like why in the world would you brag about tiny diamonds? “Hey, you wanna see my tiny white diamonds?” It makes sense for the song, but I love the specificity.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis — Thrift Shop

The Seattle based rapper Macklemore hit the scene in 2012 alongside producer Ryan Lewis and made an immediate impact on popular music with songs like Wings, Can’t Hold Us, and Same Love. But when Macklemore released the mega-hit, Thift Shop, he entered a new phase of stardom by being featured on Kidz Bop 24. And why wouldn’t kids want to sing this song? Thrift shops are fun, plus who could forget this classic opening line?

Macklemore: Yo, walk into the club like, “What up? I got a big c*ck!”

Kidz Bop: Now, walk into the club like, “What up? I got a hit song!”

The audacity. That’s just such an aggressive opening line. Also, there’s got to be a less than 1% chance that anyone who aggressively tells you they have a large penis actually has one. Anyway, when I hear lines like “Probably should have washed this, smells like R.Kelly sheets,” and “Fifty dollars for a t-shirt, that’s just some ignorant b**ch sh*t,” how could I not think of Kidz Bop?

Sean Kingston — Beautiful Girls

Sean Kingston dropped Beautiful Girls in 2007. What was a fun, catchy song about insecurity, young love, and beautiful girls quickly turned dark when Kingston threatened to kill himself if this theoretical woman ever broke up with him. I’ve heard some bad pickup lines. This one may be the worst.

Sean Kingston: You’re way too beautiful, girl. That’s why it’ll never work. You’ll have me suicidal, suicidal when you say it’s over.

Kidz Bop: You’re way too beautiful, girl. That’s why it’ll never work. You’ll have me in denial, in denial when you say it’s over.

I’ve got to give Kidz Bop credit. In denial is a pretty solid edit. Regardless, this was a pretty wild song choice by Kidz Bop though listening to kids sing break-up songs is pretty funny.

Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas — GDFR

I don’t care what anyone says; Flo Rida made hits. They were corny and super commercial, and if a single Flo Rida song comes on at a wedding, you are absolutely getting out of your seat and on the dance floor. 2015’s GDFR (It’s Going Down For Real) is no exception to the Flo Rida rule. While everybody knows the chorus to his songs, nobody knows what this man is saying in the verse, though Kidz Bop has to get a little creative with this one.

Flo-Rida: Your girl just kissed a girl, I do bi (chicks). Shake for a Sheikh, I’m throwing these Emirates in the sky.

Kidz Bop: Your girl just danced a twirl. I do high kicks. Shake for a shake
I’m throwing these hands in the sky.

Truly, you could replace the Kidz Bop verse with Flo Rida’s, and nobody would know the difference, but I’ve got to give the team credit for the creativity here. Though I was curious about how they would edit lines in the second verse like, “It’s going down further than femurs, girls get wetter than Katrina,” or “Get that a*s on the floor, ladies put your lipstick up.” Apparently, the team just noped out of the verse and moved straight to the bridge. Smart move.

DNCE — Cake By The Ocean

When I first heard Cake By The Ocean, I knew I had to be missing something. There’s no way Joe Jonas is singing about eating literal cake by the ocean. I love cake, and I love the ocean, but I’m not trying to get sand in my cake. I eventually learned that cake by the ocean is a euphemism for having sex on the beach, which I’ve gotta be honest; there’s just a lot of sand there for such an intimate activity.

DNCE: Goddamn. See you lickin’ frosting from your own hands. Want another taste, I’m beggin’, “Yes, ma’am.”

Kidz Bop: Oh yeah. Now we’re lickin’ frosting from our own hands. Want another taste, I’m sayin’, “Oh yeah!”

I don’t know what’s better; this edit or having kids still singing Cake By The Ocean without knowing what it means. Kids do love licking frosting from their hands, so this makes sense and is 1,000 times better than kids asking to lick the frosting from someone else’s hands because that’s gross.

Lil Nas X — MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)

Montero (Call Me By Your Name) caught national attention for its controversial music video and satan shoes. Lil Nas X is one of the best marketers in music history, which led to this song rising through the charts rather quickly after its release. Between the arguments over its religious symbolism and a lap dance for satan, Kidz Bop was like, “Get to the booth, kids!”

Lil Nas X: Cocaine and drinking with your friends. You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend.

Kidz Bop: Singin’ and dancin’ with your friends. You live in the dark, yeah, I cannot pretend.

This might be the most hilarious edit in Kidz Bop history. Taking “Cocaine and drinking” and turning it into “Singing and dancing” is genius. Though a few seconds later, Kidz Bop made a choice to continue this song…

Lil Nas X: I wanna sell what you’re buying. I wanna feel on your a*s in Hawaii. I want that jet lag from f**king and flying. Shoot a child in your mouth while I’m riding.

Excuse me, what now? Are we still recording Kidz Bop?

Kidz Bop: I wanna sell what you’re buying. I wanna lie on that beach in Hawaii. I want that jet lag from leaving and flying. Put a smile on your face while we’re dining.

A masterclass in editing from a truly wild song. Whoever was in charge of making the changes either had to hate their boss for making them edit this song or told their boss in their previous performance review that they really wanted a challenge this year. Either way, Lil Nas X had to be laughing his way to the bank when he heard this.

Let’s get through these next ones a little quicker:

Beyonce — Cuff It

Beyonce: I wanna go missin’. I need a prescription. I wanna go higher, can I sit on top of you?

Kidz Bop: I wanna go missing. I need a suspicion. I wanna go higher, can I sing along with you?

I wanna go missing? I need a suspicion? Kidz Bop — having kids sing that they wanna go missing, followed by they need a suspicion is not great.

Also, the fact that Kidz Bop released Renaissance visuals before Beyonce will always be funny to me.

DJ Khaled feat. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, & Lil Wayne— I’m the One

Lil Wayne: And when she on the molly, she a zombie. She think we Clyde and Bonnie, but it’s more like Whitney and Bobby. God forgive me.

Kidz Bop: And when she hear this song she think it’s crazy. She thinks I’m like a party but she’s really more a smarty. Please forgive me.

Whoever censored this verse deserves a promotion, my goodness. Though they did skip two verses in the song, so we’ll call it a wash.

Ariana Grande and The Weeknd — Love Me Harder

The Weeknd: Can you feel the pressure between your hips? I’ll make it feel like the first time.

Kidz Bop: Can you hear the song singing in my heart? I’ll make it known for the first time.

Once Kidz Bop told these kids to sing “love me harder” repeatedly, I felt like this track already went off the rails.

Black Eyed Peas — Let’s Get It Started

Fergie (original): LEEEEEEEEETTTTS get retarded. In heeeeeerrrreeeeeeeee.

Kidz Bop: LEEEEEEEEETTTTS get it started. In heeeeeerrrreeeeeeeee.

So this is more on Black Eyes Peas than Kidz Bop, but who in the world put a green light to “Let’s Get Retarded?” A few years ago, a colleague and I were talking about the Black Eyed Peas, as one occasionally does. They mentioned the song “Let’s Get It Started,” and I asked, “Have you ever heard the original?” The shock on their face when they heard Fergie belt out the track’s opening line was all that you needed to know about the song's absurdity, even for 2004.

will.i.am goes on to rap, “In this context, there’s no disrespect.” Sir. You can’t say something wildly offensive and then say, “no disrespect” because it’s all disrespect! I pray to Jesus that kids never found the original version of this song because it’s incredibly jarring to listen to.

Jennifer Lopez & Ja Rule — I’m Real

Okay, I could do this all day, but for the last one, I need to explain it a bit. First of all, early Kidz Bop has to be the strangest collection of songs on the planet. How we’ve made it to Kidz Bop 40 after a rough first few albums is beyond me.

The early tracks just had grown people singing censored karaoke versions of hit songs with kids acting as their backup singers. The combination made for some interesting tracks, none more interesting than Jennifer Lopez & Ja Rule’s 2001 smash hit “I’m Real.”

Ja Rule: WHAT’S MY MOTHERF**KIN’ NAME?!

Kidz Bop: What’s my naaaaame? (long awkward pause)

Ja Rule: Blowin’ back on the Mary Jane, I’m analyzin’ the game

Kidz Bop: Mary Jane, I’m just analyzin’ the game.

Ja Rule: To bring pain to p***y n****s & p***y h**s, they’re one in the same.

Kidz Bop: And the name of the game is just all one in the same.

KIDZ BOP, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Who in the world heard the opening line of this song and said, “Censor it and put it on a kid's album.”

While the edits are hilarious, the lyrics mean nothing without hearing the Kidz Bop version. Most people know Ja Rule and his deep raspy, even flowed voice. This sounds like Spencer in the marketing department trying on a Ja Rule impression to make Sara in Finance laugh just before being sent to HR and promptly investigated for creating a hostile work environment and subsequently fired for his offensive impersonation of a characterized version of a suburban Black man rapping like Ja Rule.

It’s bad. Listen for yourself.

Kidz Bop. You’ve improved tremendously over the years, and you’ve really improved your quality. Some of your song choices have been unique, to say the least, but major props to your editors because some of these tracks are hilarious.