Don’t Let Your Work Put You In a Dark Place
When it comes to his career, Ryan Gosling is creating the blueprint for how to show up well as a dad.
Ryan Gosling is on a career run right now that’s reminiscent of Michael Jordan’s ‘96-’98 seasons. Just a masterful career stretch that will be memorialized for decades to come.
From Barbie to Saturday Night Live to his new movie, The Fall Guy, it’s tough to even remotely follow entertainment news and not catch a glimpse of Gosling’s Kenergy.
On top of having an amazing first name, Ryan Gosling has to be one of the most charismatic men in Hollywood. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in a role where the chemistry with his love interest wasn’t insane, and that’s including Lars and the Real Girl.
The man is charming, handsome, funny, and can sing and dance and then turn around and eviscerate you. One time, I saw him at the beach with Eva Mendez and their kids, and I thought, “My goodness, that has to be the best-looking couple I’ve ever seen.” Then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Ah, that makes a lot of sense.”
If I were an absolute hater, I would despise Ryan Gosling, but I’m not. In fact, I like to celebrate men who are secure in the depth of their masculinity, and while, of course, I’ll never know the man, from my vantage point, Gosling appears to have a good grip on his masculinity.
Recently, Gosling made news for a comment he made about avoiding certain roles that would put him in a dark place.
“I don’t really take roles that are going to put me in some kind of dark place,” he said.
On its face, these comments likely surprised some because if you’ve seen Gosling’s early work, you’d know he can play the hell out of dark characters.
But as he continues, you can start to understand what he means.
“This moment is what I feel like trying to read the room at home and feel like what is going to be best for all of us. The decisions I make, I make them with [wife] Eva [Mendes], and we make them with our family in mind first.”
Ryan Gosling, the A list Actor who could choose just about any role he would ever want, avoids roles that would put him in a dark place so he doesn’t bring his character’s vibes home to his family.
Slow clap, my man. Slow clap.
I’ll be the first to say I love Gosling’s work. Starting with The Notebook (or Remember The Titans if I want to get technical), Blue Valentine, and Drive, put this man in a movie, and I’m going to watch it. When I saw Crazy, Stupid, Love in the Theaters, I think I went to Zara the next day and bought a suit just because.
His recent work has been incredible, and I can’t wait to watch The Fall Guy. But every year, as I hear the Oscar nominees, I can’t help but wonder why Gosling hasn’t taken work that would put him in contention for Best Actor roles like Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon. It feels like he was made for these roles.
Instead, this man is on stage with bleached blonde hair, singing a song written from a Ken doll’s perspective about wanting to be loved, getting thousands of people in the Dolby Theatre to sing their hearts out with him.
He truly doesn't care what you think.
It’s like the most talented chair maker you know who likes to make chairs for fun. Meanwhile, you know their work could be mass produced and sold around the world, only they have no interest in taking their work to the masses because that would lead to a lifestyle that’s not suited for them (yes, that was a Ron Swanson analogy).
How many of us could say we’d do the same?
As a Recruiter, I spend a lot of time on LinkedIn. Every day, I see a post from a CEO, VP of this, or Senior Director of that, and I think, “Your home life has to be a mess.”
Bragging about reducing costs (aka conducting layoffs), showcasing their late nights and sacrifices made to hit quarterly numbers. Someone’s got to do the job, but I’ve been working long enough to know there is often far more to the reality than what appears online.
I’ve spent years doing comp studies, and I’m well aware of how much these folks make (it’s a lot more than I’ve ever made). I see the engagement on LinkedIn, and I know their titles come with a lot of prestige. And to be clear, I’ve been around some high-titled folks who do appear to have mastered the art of life-work balance, and to that, I give all the kudos.
But higher titles lead to additional responsibilities, which can lead to more work travel, more time on Zoom calls, less time in your child’s classroom, and fewer date nights. If you’re not intentional, the jobs you take may have positive effects on your career but detrimental effects on your family. The money and status may not be worth the tradeoffs.
Ryan Gosling has young kids. Compartmentalizing the darkness of the characters he cultivates from being a normal, help with the homework at the dinner table dad can’t be easy.
Maybe there are actors who can masterfully separate their tormented characters from their home lives. Maybe there are C-suite level employees who can separate the demands of Venture Capitalists and investors, and, if so, more power to them.
The key is to know yourself, your boundaries, and what’s worth taking on. When you have a family, your career choices are not yours alone.
Ryan Gosling shows that you can be exceptional at what you do, crush your day job, and do it better than most while still holding strong boundaries in your personal life. Society’s expectations of who they think you should be should never dictate the person you want to be.
For the past year, folks have been debating the true definition of Kenergy, sparking think pieces galore, some funny and some serious. If you ask me, prioritizing your family's well-being while being sure of who you are as a man and where you sit in your career seems like big Dad Kenergy to me.